How to keep bike talk among non-cycling friends to a minumum. Pt. 1

Annoying and easily amazed are words that come to mind. Those words are a result of years of field research. I've been cycling for years and until recently when I picked up a cyclocross habit (cross fucking rules ATMO), 90% of my friends were of the non cycling variety. The following techniques to keep bike to talk with friends and strangers who know very little to nothing to a minimum are scientifically proven* and guaranteed to work**.

The first problem that arises is mileage ridden. It seems that if you say you rode a reasonable distance, their first reaction is one three: looking at you like you just rode the tour, telling you how they haven't ridden in years or can't ride more than a mile at at time, or they just say 'Oh cool'. The last reaction is the most desirable ATMO(and that's my opinion) because you can just move on to something else. A general formula you should use to gage if they ask for specific mileage is as follows:

CD=AD/2/2

CD meaning claimed distance and AD meaning actual distance. Let's do some real world application of the formula with a 30 miles ride.

7.5=30/2/2

So for a 30 mile ride you will tell your non-cycling friends that you rode 7.5 miles. They will likely still be amazed but not enough to continue to ask you questions about the ride. One last note on the formula, for your cycling friends change the division to multiplication. Seen below:

CD=AD*2*2

To apply our real life situation to this variation of the formula:

120=30*2*2

Your meager 30 mile ride becomes an epic century and with a little fudging it can be an epic double metric century.

*Completely false

**More of an exaggeration than a lie